Aaaaand. I am past my another milestone in life - marriage.
This seems very much out of the game "Game of Life". You really felt that you're walking the path of life. You feel yourself growing older and older each period, hitting "wow-ed" checkpoints yet there's always that slight urge to want to go back to those days, and then you realise you can't anymore.
Anyways, yea... it was a pretty hectic year for me. Looking back, I probably did much more than what I did last year. That felt encouraging; but at the same time more pressured to make sure more happens for me the following year, and beyond.
Now I could say I am getting used to work. Being termed as a laojiao I hope I have enough knowledge to pass on to my fellow colleagues, able to set a good example, and have enough courage to lead the rest of thy ladies as a mentor (but not in appointment wise). Yea pressure builds up.
I'm also feeling the need to step up my game and take control of my work scope. It's no longer a luxury to be following behind someone's footsteps and/or instructions. I need to make my logic more sound and better heard by the rest. After all, everyone has their own style of doing things, so why am I killing myself trying to adopt other people's methods? No wrong doing it my way so long as guidelines are met, quality assured, and no hell break loose, yea?
Married life is a total game-changer. Mentality changes. More We-time, No me-time. Well the only me-time I will have is when dear works night shift so hahah. But anyway, though dear said it wasn't that great a challenge she expected about moving in, the change in lifestyle, use of appliances, houserules, etc. definitely took a toll on her mind and body. Later nights and earlier mornings, restricted timings for chores, all robbed her of her rest, so sad :(
What about me? Simple. when she's down, I'm affected. Well that's what husbands do isn't it.
Closing this year. Hope I have no regrets packing my schedules like never before, steepening my learning curve, squeezing in more knowledge within myself. Prep myself for a better 2017. Hopefully finances improve, that's my main relief. Oh, and I'm definitely going to make
Tired. Back to sleep. Nights. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
It was a chunk under my bucket list checked.
It's been a long wait for this trip. I know that the trip was supposed to be done 4 years back. But somehow it did not happen. Maybe it is a better time to happen now.
I used to write out the whole itinerary for any event that happened, but somehow I think let's keep the adventure to ourselves, can we? :)
Anyways, we met up on a few occasions before to discuss about itineraries, travel bookings, accommodation, and more discussion online on changes in plans or adding new travel locations. We tried to keep it short and sweet, and had the "lets drop by the attractions along the way" plan. Kind of like the fact that all of us are taking the trip with a light heart.
Perth was really, really nice. There was minimal rain, and we were greeted with clear, blue skies and chilly weather on most days. Traffic was cool, no jams (except for a slow traffic on my last day), easy to drive around. People are nice and customer service easily beat Singapore's hands down.
We drove up to Cervantes on the 2nd day... and there I DID SKYDIVING! Totally. Worth. It. It doesn't matter where you jump from or whoever say which location has the best view. The fact of jumping out of the plane at 15000 feet overwrites all other criteria. Even the freezing air up there made my fall more exhilarating.
Next is Pinnacles. They say its a must-go location. Yes, please! Desert-Oasis feel. Took a lot of pictures while walking the trail. Needless to say, we spotted a number of Singapore tourists enjoying the landscape with us.
We were damn lucky to spot the MILKY WAY! Not the iykwim milky way, but it's the one you look up to the sky in darkness. It was chilly but we braved the cold to snap picture perfect shots of the night sky. That... was when we learnt aperture, ISO, shutter speed. Haha.
And I must say ROAD TRIPS ARE FUN! Full tank, check. Snacks, check. Internet, check. Spotify, check. Camera, check. And off we cruised 250km up north and 250km back down within a day. Who's behind the wheel? Me. Wahahah. I guess you know what to expect when I'm taking the wheel.
One does not simply miss... Rottnest Island! the haven for the happiest animal on earth - the Quokka. They really deserve a place like this. Panaromic seaview, lush greenery, serene landscape. Oh, my gosh. We were totally crying out in happiness as we saw how blue, how clear the waters were. Could not even stop our fingers snapping away at every angle, every location.
We had interim break on our 4th day. Hopped around the town and was totally glad to find some shopping venue. Whew. Outlet stores! No wonder my mum wanted me to "sweep" the items here; So cheap! Too bad they close shop at 5.. And that left us with nothing much to do for the evening sigh. Made dinner ourselves back at the hostel (and of course we screwed up our dinner) and went out for coffee.
Day 5! Set off to Margaret River! Stopped along the way for some phototaking. Saw cows and sheep. Then more cows and more sheep. And... a old lady in a 4WD that honked us to wind down our windscreen and yelled at us "You are a fucking idiot!" -midfing-
Oh. Target is like Primark. Or maybe... Isetan or BHG. Just, way cheaper. That's where kr got his $4 polo tee. and another one on the last day.
I bumped into Yina~ and so happened she was with Suwen! Wa really small world!
Back to topic. We visited the caves deep down. Nature's wonder kept us jaw-dropped. Pictures on FB. Credits to Zhen en for the pics!
Okay I admit I've been searching for kangaroos for the past 5 days. So far no kangaroo. Finally we decided to stop by the animal farm. Zhen en and kr were totally in love with the creatures...
We finally checked in our only airbnb accom at Dunsborough. THANK TUAPEKGONG / GUANYINMA WE DID THAT. Its nature all around us, the country-themed house was super big (we were given the living room and a supersized bedroom and a supersized bathroom). And did I mention that the electricity in the house was entirely solar-powered? :D
And... well that was our last night in Australia. Slept beside the full length window to enjoy the night view for the last time before returning to civilisation.
During the trip I was pleasantly surprised how our minds really thought alike, spoke the same lingo, harbour the same thoughts, carry out the same actions. I conclude this milestone in my life, checked. With flying colours. Let us do a next one. 10 years later. Hopefully Dubai or New Zealand.
Apologies for the late post. But better late than never.
Brownie points added?
Do you recall that during the CNY there were talks all over the community about which zodiac have the best luck in whatever this lunar year? And that snakes are one of the top few in luck? And that there are certain good windfalls upon the year of snakes?
Yes, it's kindof proven true. For me I guess.
I totally did not expect those coming. And neither did I even dare to expect it coming. Especially at a time where work were just.. too much for me to handle. I was on the verge of breaking down, mind you. And to receive such commendation was (to me) not making any sense.
I know where I stand. I know where my competency is (and will be). I know there are certain things about me that will definitely screw up the projects. But it's either they did not notice the mole within me, or they took it with stride. But anyways, it's got to do with "brownie points".
Word has it that "for effort, if not for credit." Well admitted that I really put in hours. But what's going on in my mind is not about hours.. it's about the "full time mentality". Well I suppose that gives my managers the impression that I am really putting in enough hard work.
Coupled with the fact that there wasn't any one else to share my workload with; I could disseminate as much as I can to temps, but ultimately the chunk of the load was still on me. Sigh. When will this end please tell me. Given a choice I rather be getting less pay but able to F off at 6 sharp.
Anyways, the journey is still fucking long ahead. I better prepare myself for more shit to happen upon me. Pray for the best, and hope by the time they find out my ugly work attitude hope they can take it in good stride.
The thing about self-esteem.
Different people have different
threshold to criticism. It doesn’t matter that they are with kind intentions;
so long as there is criticism, there will be a certain amount of damage done to
I admit that I’m always looking towards
the negative side of the issue. Imagine yourself feeling that you might be
feeling that you had a minus point. At this very moment someone came over to
you and say “Hey, I think you should look into your minus point.” That moment
deals you an amplified damage which you willingly took it and slammed yourself
in the heart. Ouch, that hurts. Well, I’m speaking from the perspective of
someone with low self esteem.
There is a fine line drawn
between low confidence and low self esteem. Low confidence is not being
confident in yourself that you could do something or show that side of
yourself; low self-esteem is about not feeling comfortable or satisfied with
your own character. When someone agrees with that point that you hate yourself
for, that’s when the impact of low self-esteem deals you double the damage.
Life’s emotion has always been a
roller coaster for me. I’m losing it. I could see that criticism coming my way.
However much a mature person tried to reduce the damage by putting in non-negative
words, or by giving some positivity to it, that message that always came across
to me is just a mere “hey, I feel you should change this part of yourself, it’s
not helping anyone at all.” How should I feel about something that I could not
even defend myself against? For all you know, you could’ve had that potential
of going against that perception, but as more people slapped that comment on
you, you get influenced, you succumb to that comment, and you lost your will to
fight back. Totally.
Great example: I did not want to
admit that I was a slow thinker. Dad said I was slow. Fine. Mum said I was
slow. Fine. Friends, colleagues, even loved one said I was slow. I could see
that “slowness” setting inside me, so comfortably I just took their word and
began to believe I was “slow”. I couldn’t even bother to prove myself. So where
has that potential gone? Did anyone even bother to dig out that “quick-wittedness”
within me? No. There was no apparent proof that I was in any way with Quick
thinking. Little did they realise it was they themselves who buried their
perception of me. Slapping me with the title “slow”. That doesn’t do me
justice. But who cares anyway?
I’ve been so tired living up to
everyone’s expectations. Especially when I am judged for something I didn’t
even belong to. I did not know how I ended up here. What to do. I’m not living
for myself anymore.
What's lying ahead for me?
Sometimes i felt that time passes too slowly. Sometimes i felt that time was almost flying, too fast for me to catch up.
the fact that i am gonna be stuck in this job means that i cannot afford to lose it. i learnt a lot, but not enough. somehow my brain is limiting my capabilities. i guess what kr said was right; i could stay, but i would never climb up high.
anyways, im thinking about my career now. everytime i told myself, "20 years is more than enough for you to fly up high, earn a decent income." question, do i want high income? answer: yes. next question, if i were to live like this for that "decent income", would i want? i start to think.
i'm trying to create multiple sources of income. the main passive cashflow being from investments. i thought to myself, maybe if i earn that much, like andre, i could easily pump in thousands into stocks and shares as and when i like, and reap much more profits and income from there. i would be able to achieve my passive income faster.
that was my meaning of "time passing by too slowly" for me.
on the other hand, if i want that speed of financial growth, i need to learn fast, promote fast. its very challenging for someone like me who had no common sense nor street-smart instincts to make sound decisions. i had to learn the hard way, and by going through that, its taking a toll on my mind and body. i am just afraid that one day my hair will drop, like andre's. but seeing him like this easily tell me that he's been through a damn lot before he got to what he is today.
asked myself, am i ready for that? or do i have other priorities? yes, i do have other priorities. My kids.
that's going to slow me down even further in achieving passive income. im in a dilemma now. if i work more and earn more money, i wont have time for family. Vice versa.
Crossroads now. I want the best of the 3 worlds: money, kids, time. none of them are giving way to me. what now.