不要跟人比。
你要赢的，是你自己。
I really need some time to get over myself.
Since I have set my targets it is time to work towards it. Why will i want to fret over something i am going to lose?
Yes it comes to a point where i am falling behind others. So what?
My steps now are to be as follows;
1) work hard
2) play hard.
I am spending too much time on work that I am not having enough time to enjoy. Having work-life imbalance will plainly mean I am not doing what i want to do. I will just be under utilised.
I still want to believe that i am capable of anything i want to do. Perhaps being stuck too long in office is not doing much good for me. Perhaps that literally-full-time-mentality is getting too into me that i am clouded by nothing but work, but unproductive thoughts about work.
I need to steer away from those tedious mindsets that drained too much energy from me. I need a system to land myself into. and apparently i am being in lost jungle because i rely too much on my own mindsets and not asking around for any platform for me to piece myself into so that i may have an easier time.
I give myself until january. I need to take a break, seriously. i am now like a premature baby that needs special care and attention. while popping myself out into the real world earlier than the rest, I proved myself to be not ready and infected myself with lots of illnesses that ended up dragging people in to take care of me.
I must remind myself from now on not to think too much. things will never get done. I must enjoy myself to the fullest in my remaining days here. after which, a couple of weeks / months that i will find my lost self back (that is the least i should do, don't i?), meeting some old friends, screwing myself up heartily in front of my cliques, and so on. Once I set my emotions and character to it then i bring them into my next career path and that will at least make life easier for me.
Of course not hoping for more ot (at least in office). I aim to leave office at 6 daily.
okay enough of random rants. need to go sleep and prepare for work tmr.
nights.
Earlier this year, during one of my volunteering activities for the Hong Bao run, I got to know this girl. She was in the same station as me, doing sai kang and stuff, prepping for volunteer registration and inventory at the volunteer tent. Everything was hectic but after all the in-processing was done, we are good to take a break until the next timing, about 4 hours later..
Being bored, we started to talk to each other. She was just a 17, or maybe late 16 (her birthday being this year), she was dressed like a typical secondary school kid, mama's girl style until I found out about her background - she is in RJ OMG. *bows* did not expect to be doing such stuff alongside an intellect (at least academically)!
So we went on to chat more with each other, getting to know her better. What surprises me is that she is pursuing medicine.. and guess what for her age it is remarkable that her reasons to want to study medicine took me by surprise.
"So what subjects you take?"
"Maths, Bio, Chem, maybe Econs."
"Oh, you wanna take what in uni?"
"Medicine."
"Cos of your parents' expectations?"
"No. I wanted it myself."
"Ok.. why? better prospect?"
"Because I want to be able to volunteer to travel around the world and help needy people."
That shook me. While she was stating this reason she also asserted why she wanted to volunteer for events - she likes volunteering. She likes giving back to the society.
Who at the age of 16 will think so far ahead? Definitely not within my circle of friends, or at least only that rare few.. But on the other hand I somehow don't know whether to feel happy for her or reserved. Maybe I was thinking too much, that she was just innocent and too young to understand the woes of adult life. That she might lose her time and passion for her dream some day as she grows up. But at the same time I did not want to shoot down her thoughts like this - I understand the feel of having oneself's dreams shot down, condemned, and losing self just because your loved ones are against your resolve.
I gave her an encouraging smile, "Good, work hard for it!" After all, she deserves my acknowledgement of her dream. Consider it the first time I felt that innocent passion driving me to recover whatever dreams I had lost.
A 16 year old girl. Inspired me. Well done girl, and thank you.
Signing off.