Different people have different threshold to criticism. It doesn’t matter that they are with kind intentions; so long as there is criticism, there will be a certain amount of damage done to the individual.

I admit that I’m always looking towards the negative side of the issue. Imagine yourself feeling that you might be feeling that you had a minus point. At this very moment someone came over to you and say “Hey, I think you should look into your minus point.” That moment deals you an amplified damage which you willingly took it and slammed yourself in the heart. Ouch, that hurts. Well, I’m speaking from the perspective of someone with low self esteem.

There is a fine line drawn between low confidence and low self esteem. Low confidence is not being confident in yourself that you could do something or show that side of yourself; low self-esteem is about not feeling comfortable or satisfied with your own character. When someone agrees with that point that you hate yourself for, that’s when the impact of low self-esteem deals you double the damage.

Life’s emotion has always been a roller coaster for me. I’m losing it. I could see that criticism coming my way. However much a mature person tried to reduce the damage by putting in non-negative words, or by giving some positivity to it, that message that always came across to me is just a mere “hey, I feel you should change this part of yourself, it’s not helping anyone at all.” How should I feel about something that I could not even defend myself against? For all you know, you could’ve had that potential of going against that perception, but as more people slapped that comment on you, you get influenced, you succumb to that comment, and you lost your will to fight back. Totally.

Great example: I did not want to admit that I was a slow thinker. Dad said I was slow. Fine. Mum said I was slow. Fine. Friends, colleagues, even loved one said I was slow. I could see that “slowness” setting inside me, so comfortably I just took their word and began to believe I was “slow”. I couldn’t even bother to prove myself. So where has that potential gone? Did anyone even bother to dig out that “quick-wittedness” within me? No. There was no apparent proof that I was in any way with Quick thinking. Little did they realise it was they themselves who buried their perception of me. Slapping me with the title “slow”. That doesn’t do me justice. But who cares anyway?

I’ve been so tired living up to everyone’s expectations. Especially when I am judged for something I didn’t even belong to. I did not know how I ended up here. What to do. I’m not living for myself anymore.