It's the time of the year where everyone uploads their thoughts about the year on their digital library. I've been seeing numerous posts on Facebook and Instagram (Sorry I only frequent these 2 social media platforms). I thought I would do it somewhere else as not to "attract too much attention" or probably to avoid being "part of the hype". No one bothers anyway haha.
2020 was a year of many changes. Particularly for me, big changes. I mean, COVID impacts aside, there are some changes that really impacted me permanently.
1) Being a father of two. My philosophy on parenting is "Being a parent of one speaks about luck; Being a parent of two speaks about experience". It can't be more true than that. Handling 2 kids at home tests our endurance, patience, time management and energy levels to the next level. Of course I would not compare myself to those who have more than 2 kids; they are at an even greater level. Back to myself; this year I really went more hands on as a parent on Meixin, having missed so much opportunities handling Meiying during her first year. Believe it or not, this was the first time I:
And as if that's not enough first-times for me, guess what? She developed eczema! Not a normal one at that; it was one that really threw our psyche (and wallets) off. Every night was a sleepless one, every bathtime was a disaster, seeing damaged skin all over her body every hour was heartbreaking. Numerous visits to NUH was not helping, even with the senior consultants handling our case. Oh, not to forget the amount of additional recovery we had to do when she developed steroid withdrawals. Every day our hopes of her recovering through a medication / cream dwindle as her outbreaks persisted and our doctors continued scratching their heads trying to crack the case. Needless to say, the remaining months of the year was a fight with eczema to no end.
AND, as if the challenge was not hard enough. Guess what? I developed eczema! on my hands! OMG I will never forget the struggle through the months enduring the itch like Meixin. It has not healed, and I don't know why, but thankfully after a grueling 5 to 6 months fight, it was under control.
The good thing that came out of it? My relationship with my 2 little ones and I am really glad I had the chance to put in the time and effort with them. However tired I am, their smiles waned my worries at work and every troubling thought on my mind, at least for that moment.
2) Work wise, I only had 2 conclusions.
I screwed up. I mean even from the special projects point of view, nothing has been done. Projects I have been handling were met with service breakdowns after service breakdowns. It was so hard to keep up with bosses' expectations as I was afraid to ask, and afraid to communicate, and afraid of initiating discussions... Things that sounded easy to them are not easy to people like us you know?
I tried my best. I tried my best to think ahead. I tried my best to plan ahead. I tried my best to stick to the plan. I tried my best to communicate. I tried my best to think out of the box. I tried my best to convince clients to have things done our way. I tried my best to catch up with things / skillsets the bosses thought I 'should already know' when I know nuts about them. At the end, I am still grateful that I had managed a steep learning curve this year. Though I don't think I have met my bosses' expectations I can at least tell myself "I have no regrets achieving this far without anyone's help".
The by-product? Burnouts. Really. God. Damn. Burnouts. Pulling through the nights just because it needs to be done almost real time, because there were too many amendments to be made but no time extension given, because everything came too ad hoc and needed immediate response... and more importantly, because the kids need me at random times during the day and hence all my work was pushed past the office hours. The burnouts were really bad. Because of that I lost focus on my family while with the family, and lost focus at work when at work. Sigh. The minuses of WFH. Practically no line drawn between work and home. No rest. I dropped A LOT OF HAIR during this period.
3) I got myself a bike! I call it my white ranger cos it really looks like a power ranger bike :D Most of the time for commuting to work, of course. Now that we have shifted to a damn ulu location far away from MRT station I think by the time reach home via public transport I can immediately brush teeth and sleep already. Having a bike is really, really convenient; there is no such thing as traffic jam cos I could just ride through between vehicles. Saved me a hell lot of time commuting to work, rain or shine. That was basically the biggest item purchased this year.
4) And on to the next purchase... a laptop! Happy with my swift 3, so far. I'm typing this post on this new laptop now, so far so good hehe.
5) MR lo! It just seemed very recent that I enlisted into army like 13 years back. And in a blink of an eye 6 high keys and 1 low key had passed and I have completed the NS phase of my life. Come to think of it, while I didn't really maintain close contact with my army-mates (apart from that rare few, thanks) but I do miss those long, random talk-cock sessions during ICTs, in bunk or outfield. Like any NSMen, these were the times I will cherish. Hope there will be a gathering again in the future for us to reminisce those times..
These 5 big changes / events concluded my 2020. My resolution for 2021?
1) Be kinder to myself
2) Invest more
3) Land myself a position in the govt sector
See ya!